I've been having the strangest dreams lately...
Running.
Always running.
This time it's along a well-worn path through an overgrown field. Stems of withered brown blend with blades of lush green. The breeze is a fragrant pat on my shoulder. I tread lightly where many have traveled before. Something is coming but I'm not quite sure what it is. All I know is that I can't let It catch me.
Suddenly I am on a sidewalk that winds around to a small brick building. It looks like a library with large glass windows stretching from floor to ceiling. A large concrete walk snakes around dotted only by patches of freshly-groomed flower beds. There is a lookout with a small blue rail before the earth drops off into the water that separates me from this symbol of civilization. The sky is a deep blue and the sun reflects off the pond that swirls lazily with each whispered gust. The sidewalk on which I run continues around a large grass hill, one that is probably a neighborhood favorite come winter.
I must climb the hill.
It's a steady rise at first and I am feeling strong. I pump my arms and drive my knees. I hear children playing at the top, oblivious to my struggle. It's coming. Somebody help me, It's coming.
A small boy appears at the door of the building. He watches me with grave intent. He whispers but it sounds like a scream, "It's coming." His face is solemn as he takes a step towards the lookout.
The hill is steep now. My breath is moving in desperate gasps. I stumble and fall to my knees. A grass wall looms in front of me. So steep but I must reach the top. Everything will be fine if I can just reach the top. The boy cranes his neck to see me get up and brush off the dirt. I can still hear the children playing. A small gust of wind urges me forward and I begin to climb.
It's so steep I am mostly upright but able to grasp thick blades in front of me. My toe slips and I'm hanging on by a handful of dirt. It slips. I slip. The boy grabs the rail, white-knuckled, his eyes wide and pleading. There is no sound but the slow crumble of the earth beneath my hands, like boulders in a landslide. Somehow I manage to regain footing and return to my panicked scramble upward.
As I reach the top I am blinded by a blazing sun. I swat my hands around thin air in front of me and spin around in senseless confusion. The earth rises up to meet my cheek and as I lie there enervated, I see the world has indeed returned to normal. The children are playing, the boy has disappeared, the grass is prickly on my face.
And so I get up and I run.
I wake up and I am thirsty, so very thirsty.
Feel free to analyze and discuss.
Press on.
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3 comments:
First of all, nicely written! Gripping.
I love dream analysis, so here goes. Keep in mind that I have no personal context here, so this will be a little vague and sketchy.
"It's coming!": Some sense of inevitability that you run away from (running no longer as merely a pastime but as a means of survival) but ultimately run into--the steepening hill, the grass wall, and the landslide are that inevitability, now in front of you, that towards which you run.
The boy: some sense of failure or loss that was once a great triumph for you. Interestingly enough, you don't try to save the boy, but only yourself. This seems to signify that you are letting go of that sense of loss/failure and pressing on, as you put it. So the disappearance of the boy which on the surface might seem to indicate a failure, in the logic of the dream seems to be a positive development--perhaps the boy is another obstacle which must be overcome in order for you to save yourself.
The children and the top of the hill: some goal which, once achieved, must be surpassed.
If Freud is correct when he says that the dream is the fulfillment of a desire, then the desire expressed in this dream is to continue running, escape.
However, this dream clearly exhibits elements of the anxiety dream, which functions according to a slightly different logic that that of wish fulfillment. The anxiety dream has us repeat certain repressed traumatic events in our lives quite decidedly against our wishes otherwise. I have no idea what this might mean for you in terms of your waking life, but I get the feeling that it is related to whatever the boy signifies for you and that grass is somehow important in all this as well.
How was that?
Very poignant, Wade. I have much to think about. It never occurred to me that the "It" was behind me and yet infront of me as well. Very interesting...
Thank you for the thoughtful analysis.
Oh yeah, and the boy representing a loss/failure is quite perceptive. Hmmm. You know he didn't even seem to be in trouble during the dream so there was no need to save him. No need to hang onto old losses or failures.
My therapist will have a field day with this one :)
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