Solitude

Running is a very solitary sport. Sure you can run with a group or join a club but in the end it's all up to you. I think that's what attracted me to running in the first place. I've never been one for team sports. I don't like the idea of doing my best and still losing because of the performance of somebody else. I want the responsibility of winning or losing to fall squarely on my shoulders. I don't want to rely on the work ethic or performance of others. If I put in the work I will see results, regardless of anybody else.

Some may think of running as a lonely sport. I think it all depends on your mindset and how one makes the distinction between solitude and loneliness. Loneliness brings to mind a variety of thoughts and emotions, mostly negative. When I think of being lonely I think of feeling alone in the universe. An island in a never ending sea or a single blade of grass in a vast back country field. The feeling of loneliness does not necessarily occur when one is alone. I have experienced feeling alone despite being amidst a crowd of people. A strong sense of being disconnected from others, whether real or imagined can be quite disconcerting. Writing about it brings up a panicky pit of emptiness deep in my chest, a silent scream clawing its way to the surface reaching out for somebody, anybody to notice. Being out on the road forces oneself to face this loneliness, even seek it out. There is nobody to comfort you as your footsteps echo on the trail, your breath cries out in the air and your mind wanders its way through its darkest depths. When you are afraid of what you will find at those depths is when running is truly lonely and giving up seems a welcome escape.

I believe running is a solitary sport. Why else would so many people torture themselves day after day, year after year, mile after mile? Solitude is quite different from loneliness. It evokes feelings of empowerment and independence. Solitude is a place where I can recharge my batteries, refuel the passion in my soul, and peacefully reflect on the universe, inward and all around. There is no panic or desperation, only solace and connection. Sometimes, when seeking out loneliness I find solitude instead. This is what keeps me going, what picks up one foot and puts it in front of the other. Call it runner's high or endorphins but I like to describe this serene euphoria as perfect harmony. When you bask in the light of the depths of your soul is when you are truly happy. Not alone, all one.

There comes a point in every run where you are forced to face the mirror of your true self and make a simple choice: give up or press on. Loneliness or solitude. It is here that your character is revealed and it is here that one finds emptiness or peace.

Press on...