txting sux

When I first discovered the wonders of text messaging I thought I had hit the jackpot. As I am not one who particularly enjoys talking on the phone I thought for sure this new phenomenon would forever protect me from awkward pauses, mouth breathers, and that smacking noise made by people who eat while talking on the phone. Ew. What I have come to discover is texting has its own set of problems that have become increasingly annoying and make me long for the days when people were just a phone call or short drive away. Examples? Yes, please:

1. There is absolutely no context. Communication is 60% nonverbal and texting pretty much negates the remaining 40%. How do I know you laughed at my witty remark? I have given "lol" the ole' college try but every time I write it it seems...unnatural. Like I'm trying to be 12 years old or something. Rarely is this abbreviation used correctly anyway and even when it is, it elicits more of an eye roll out of me than an...lol. How do you know if I am happy or sad or excited or crabby? It's real easy to fake all of the above and avoid the issue altogether with a "fine, nd u?"

Because of texting, I have learned I actually enjoy the communication process! I like awkward silences! I get a kick out of a good stare down and I absolutely love making other people smile. As for my alleged witty remarks, well I'd take a vacant stare from someone over an lol any day. I relish in observing body language and facial expressions. As strange as it sounds, I'd rather gather you up into my arms as I watch your heart break all over your face than read about the latest "wtf" moment from joe d-bag. Communication without context is like a body without soul.

2. Spellcheck much? I admit, I am one of those annoying people who thinks that spelling and basic grammar are important, not to mention good indicators of those who passed the first grade. Now I'm not saying I have the finest grammar or can win a spelling bee but I certainly know how to capitalize sentences, use basic punctuation, and spell words like "you" and "are" and I can certainly differentiate between "to" and "too." I understand that sometimes you are in a hurry and it's easier to type "rng l8 u2 stl thr?" than spelling it out but should you really be texting in the middle of traffic? I'd prefer just about anything over a car wreck.

3. Feigning interest, pseudo-intimacy, and vague questions/responses. I swear I'm going to punch someone if I get one more "what ru up2?" when what you really mean is, "I'm too busy (or don't care) to take the time to find out how you really are feeling or what really happened in your day so why don't you dumb it down into a sound byte, preferably misspelled?" If I ask someone how they are doing or how their day was I actually mean it. If you are my friend I want to know all the juicy details and I'll never be too busy to lend an ear for a daily round-up. That's the stuff you can't get from acquaintances and fake boyfriends. That's the good stuff.

4. Nothing says "I'd rather be anywhere but here" like the text message during dinner. You know the type: he or she can't go one hour without checking their phone in fear they might miss something from someone more interesting than you. It makes me feel so important when we're right in the middle of a conversation or a delicious pause and I hear the buzz buzz of the incoming text and watch in horror as you actually answer it. Seriously?! I've been tempted so many times to get up and leave right then and there.

So there you have it. I know that texting is an inevitablilty in our tech-obsessed culture and there are still instances when a text message is not only convenient, but sufficient and effective as well, but from now on I'm going to leave the meaningful dialogue and relationship-building goodies to the old fashioned phone call or face to face.

Press on.