How easy it would be to succumb to seclusion.
How simple to dwell in darkness.
What luck it would be to lay forever in loneliness.
Solitude infinity.
Lost in abyss.
Where do you go when alienation overwhelms?
Which road do you choose when isolation is imminent?
I rose to the occasion.
To be trampled on thorns.
Extended my olive branch.
To be pitted by disinterest.
I was weak.
At least I thought I was.
I tried so hard to open the door.
Open the door to my Soul.
To let you in.
You.
It is not access I grant freely.
You.
I gave you free reign.
But you refused.
You resigned.
You judged.
You never gave me a chance.
She misses you.
But I can't say.
How I miss you.
Every. Single. Day.
Wore my heart on my sleeve.
Took a chance.
Took a risk.
But that isn't enough.
It's never enough.
I am never enough.
"I am not a pretty girl.
That is not what I do."
Apparently.
When will it end?
Not too soon.
Not
Too
Soon.
Press on.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
5 Reasons Why...
...I love the first snowfall:
1. Snowflakes on my eyelashes during a wintry run.
2. Sipping homemade hot cocoa with Bailey's after #1.
3. Baking vegan cookies making my apartment smell of yummy deliciousness.
4. Snuggling next to my wood-burning fireplace, drinking #2 and eating #3.
5. Watching scary movies involving snowstorms next to #4.
Press on.
1. Snowflakes on my eyelashes during a wintry run.
2. Sipping homemade hot cocoa with Bailey's after #1.
3. Baking vegan cookies making my apartment smell of yummy deliciousness.
4. Snuggling next to my wood-burning fireplace, drinking #2 and eating #3.
5. Watching scary movies involving snowstorms next to #4.
Press on.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
musings on the detached hero or Dostoevsky's Grand Inquisitor
Underneath the detached hero, the intellectual machine, the diamond armor, lays a frailty succumbing to never-lasting love, loneliness, and despair. Emotions betray our hero, but the only evidence is hidden as scars upon his withering soul. Slipping into compassion and love is indeed an injury from which our fallen hero cannot recover. The kiss of death. He falls. He fails. He loses. Again.
Press on.
/end hiatus
Now it's India's turn to be on hiatus. For those of you just joining me, feel free to check out Pathological Wanderlust for updates from my volunteer trip to India. For those of you reading on facebook, this blog is imported from http://stilesruns.blogspot.com
In other news, I am now 2.5 months out from ACL reconstruction. Yes, yes, I know, ANOTHER surgery. If there were a way to go pro as a complicated surgical case, I would be MVP for sure.
For those of you who don't know, I named my new knee Sheldon Cooper. He's a theoretical physicist. My knee is smart. My knee has also acquired the super-power of meteorology. It can predict the weather with up to 73% accuracy!
As many times as I've had to re-learn to walk again I am sorry to say it does not get easier. It still hurts. A lot. It is just as mentally draining as it is physical; just as frustrating as it is slow. In all honesty, it seems there have been more bad days than good. Perhaps only because I am still in the thick of it but some days I want to throw my hands up for the agonizingly slow pace of it all. Some days it seems I am progressing backward, even though that is not the truth.
As difficult as it is, I am constantly reminded of and thankful for all the small accomplishments along the way. For example, last week I was finally given the "ok" to start running. As much as I wanted to bust out a 5K, I stuck to my program and walked 5 min/ran 1 min x 5.
Let me just say that running one minute hasn't felt so satisfying since the last time I re-learned to run!
With that milestone out of the way it is now time to focus on the future. I am not allowed to do karate just yet so I have some time to focus on the running. I think a reasonable goal will be to do one of the New Year's 5K runs. I won't be hitting any PRs but it will be motivating to have something to look forward to. If anyone has any good race suggestions in the Minneapolis area, let me know!
Press on.
In other news, I am now 2.5 months out from ACL reconstruction. Yes, yes, I know, ANOTHER surgery. If there were a way to go pro as a complicated surgical case, I would be MVP for sure.
For those of you who don't know, I named my new knee Sheldon Cooper. He's a theoretical physicist. My knee is smart. My knee has also acquired the super-power of meteorology. It can predict the weather with up to 73% accuracy!
As many times as I've had to re-learn to walk again I am sorry to say it does not get easier. It still hurts. A lot. It is just as mentally draining as it is physical; just as frustrating as it is slow. In all honesty, it seems there have been more bad days than good. Perhaps only because I am still in the thick of it but some days I want to throw my hands up for the agonizingly slow pace of it all. Some days it seems I am progressing backward, even though that is not the truth.
As difficult as it is, I am constantly reminded of and thankful for all the small accomplishments along the way. For example, last week I was finally given the "ok" to start running. As much as I wanted to bust out a 5K, I stuck to my program and walked 5 min/ran 1 min x 5.
Let me just say that running one minute hasn't felt so satisfying since the last time I re-learned to run!
With that milestone out of the way it is now time to focus on the future. I am not allowed to do karate just yet so I have some time to focus on the running. I think a reasonable goal will be to do one of the New Year's 5K runs. I won't be hitting any PRs but it will be motivating to have something to look forward to. If anyone has any good race suggestions in the Minneapolis area, let me know!
Press on.
Monday, May 17, 2010
INDIA
This blog will be on hiatus as I embark on a fascinating journey to India.
Updates from India and beyond on my NEW blog: Pathological Wanderlust
See you there!
Press on.
Updates from India and beyond on my NEW blog: Pathological Wanderlust
See you there!
Press on.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 75
Today I researched travel packs and hiking sandals. Since I will be going in the heart of monsoon season, I will need some gear that will be able to stand up to the elements.
I've got to get back to studying the renal system, but tomorrow I will post information about some of the fascinating diseases I will encounter on my journey!
Press on.
---
Donations:
$3495 to go!
Hindi Phrase of the Day:
naa-ree a-di-kaar ke baa-re meng log kyaa soch-te hayng?
How do people feel about feminism?
I've got to get back to studying the renal system, but tomorrow I will post information about some of the fascinating diseases I will encounter on my journey!
Press on.
---
Donations:
$3495 to go!
Hindi Phrase of the Day:
naa-ree a-di-kaar ke baa-re meng log kyaa soch-te hayng?
How do people feel about feminism?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day 76
76 Days to go!
Dear family and friends,
As many of you know, I will be traveling to India this June as a volunteer with Child Family Health International to participate in a service learning opportunity to work with patients with communicable diseases. As a student nurse, this will provide a unique opportunity to work with diseases not usually seen here in the US and allow me to enhance and hone my clinical skills. As a human, this opportunity will allow me to learn from a culture half a world away and give back to the global health community.
As a volunteer, I will be responsible for all expenses related to the journey and am asking for your assistance. The program fee of $2195 includes modest room and board with a host family in Mumbai, payment to local medical directors under whom I will be working, and a small organizational fee to maintain the non-profit Child Family Heath International organization. I am also responsible for the $1300 airline ticket and any other travel expenses as needed.
I understand the economy is tough right now but any amount, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated. I have set up a PayPal button on the upper right corner of my blog (for those of you reading on facebook, my blog is here). It requires a PayPal account (just an e-mail is required) but will accept credit/debit card payments as well. If you would prefer other arrangements, please send me a message and I'd be happy to work something out!
I will be posting daily statistics and tidbits of information related to the trip as the countdown continues and will maintain this blog in addition to a written journal during my 5 week stay.
Press on.
---
Donations:
$3495 to go!
Hindi Phrase of the Day:
kyaa mas-ha-ree mi-le-gaa/mi-le-gee? (m/f)
Could I have a mosquito net please?
Dear family and friends,
As many of you know, I will be traveling to India this June as a volunteer with Child Family Health International to participate in a service learning opportunity to work with patients with communicable diseases. As a student nurse, this will provide a unique opportunity to work with diseases not usually seen here in the US and allow me to enhance and hone my clinical skills. As a human, this opportunity will allow me to learn from a culture half a world away and give back to the global health community.
As a volunteer, I will be responsible for all expenses related to the journey and am asking for your assistance. The program fee of $2195 includes modest room and board with a host family in Mumbai, payment to local medical directors under whom I will be working, and a small organizational fee to maintain the non-profit Child Family Heath International organization. I am also responsible for the $1300 airline ticket and any other travel expenses as needed.
I understand the economy is tough right now but any amount, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated. I have set up a PayPal button on the upper right corner of my blog (for those of you reading on facebook, my blog is here). It requires a PayPal account (just an e-mail is required) but will accept credit/debit card payments as well. If you would prefer other arrangements, please send me a message and I'd be happy to work something out!
I will be posting daily statistics and tidbits of information related to the trip as the countdown continues and will maintain this blog in addition to a written journal during my 5 week stay.
Press on.
---
Donations:
$3495 to go!
Hindi Phrase of the Day:
kyaa mas-ha-ree mi-le-gaa/mi-le-gee? (m/f)
Could I have a mosquito net please?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
crunch crunch, slide slide
The other morning I ventured out amongst the snowdrifts and was greeted by a glorious pink sunrise and serenaded by the crunch crunch of my shoes as they made their way down the icy path.
There's something serene about winter running I don't experience other times of the year.
Everything seems so still, so calm, so quiet.
I am usually the only one out and about and feel strength in the solitude. There are more obstacles to navigate, making a usual route feel rather unusual. The air is biting but fresh. What would seem an intolerable chill turns into a welcome breeze. The world is beautiful and in these moments it seems to belong to me alone.
I'd love to hear your winter running thoughts...
Press on.
There's something serene about winter running I don't experience other times of the year.
Everything seems so still, so calm, so quiet.
I am usually the only one out and about and feel strength in the solitude. There are more obstacles to navigate, making a usual route feel rather unusual. The air is biting but fresh. What would seem an intolerable chill turns into a welcome breeze. The world is beautiful and in these moments it seems to belong to me alone.
I'd love to hear your winter running thoughts...
Press on.
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